“Deceiving others. That is what the world calls a romance.” ~ Oscar Wilde

Now, I’m a girl, so it stands to reason that I possess some feminine traits.  I think most babies are cute, I do ask “Does my butt look okay in this?” and I even occasionally cry for no reason.

I also get gleeful about on-screen ass-kickings, and sometimes freak myself out with how much I’ve absorbed about criminal activity, warfare and strategy from movies and TV. I have also been known to do the “O!” man-roar of when some character gets hurt in a spectacular fashion.  There are very few violent things in film and TV that I actually flinch away from, I cannot get enough of improbable explosions, and no one agrees more than me that girls in action movies should a) hardly be dressed and b) think violence is sexy.

I would even watch action movies where the lead actors weren’t hot… if they existed.

So all of this makes me extremely cool, as far as girls go, in boys’ opinions.  I could only be cooler if I looked like Lara Croft, drove a motorcycle, and liked beer, I think.

But I just can’t deny that I’m a sucker for movies aimed at women–chick flicks, rom coms (dumbest genre nickname ever), teenybopper girl movies, and (let’s face it) dance movies.  They’re cheesy, most of the time no one can act, there’s no cinematic vision whatsoever, we all know how it’s going to end and every aspect is just awfully unrealistic. Half the time I don’t even like (now and then even supremely dislike) the protagonist, and the women are never actually sexy.

I almost hesitate to write down the ones that I like, because they’re just so… lame.  They all fall into predictable traps, so that I could sum up their plot in one line.  You know.

●     Divorcee finds sexy second time around guy who loves her wrinkles and quirks

●     Clumsy, awkward, shy, nerdy, wallflower finds love with outgoing athlete

●     The transformation that leads to the hottest guy, who incidentally has a heart of gold

●     Revenge, against a boy or other girls

●     Girl falls in love with the boy she hates, loathes, ruined her life, is dumb and useless, etc

The lessons that these girls learn are pathetically predictable, though of course they are lessons that all people, not just girls, have to or should learn during their lives, like…

●     Your maturity level sucks: for girls, loosen up; for boys, take it up a billion notches

●     You don’t know what you really want

●     When someone loves you, suddenly you’re someone else… and the other person STILL loves you just the way you are awww

●     And, of course, my favorite: “Ugly” girls can still get “hot” guys to fall in love with them.

It’s just depressing that male writers think that this is what women really think, or want, and it’s almost totally maddening that the handful of female writers propagate this shit.  It’s wish fulfillment, and it screws everyone over.  Even guys who watch chick flicks get slammed with things, the most obvious being: That girl who totally blew you off in high school will be so lowered, deflated and desperate in later years because she sucks that she will see your truly good qualities through your fat and your figurines and change to be a good person too.

* Side note: GLBT rom coms, don’t think you’re safe, either.  You suffer these stereotypes, too, in keeping with equality and all of that jazz.  Male-on-male crimes and girl-on-girl crimes abound, in and out of the bedroom.

And yet…

And yet, I can’t stop watching them.  Every time, I think, “Damn it”, that looks cute / sweet / adorable / picturesque / slightly risqué / oh I like the actor playing the girl, the boy, the quirky best friend.  I know that most of them are going to be offensive in one way or another (I’m glaring at you, Pretty Woman, and the remake of The Women), painfully mediocre (Valentine’s Day) or just plain trying too hard (Sex and the City movies, Something’s Gotta Give).  At best, the okay ones have a few good lines and a decent little way to get together or tear apart the leads.

But there are a bunch that I can never get sick of, and I think it’s because there’s some aspect that has potential.  What I mean is, there are deeper issues that are glossed over in movies like 10 Things I Hate About You, Legally Blonde, Sweet Home Alabama, The Devil Wears Prada, The Nanny Diaries, the new Fame, and How to Lose a Guy in Ten Days.  These movies were all just fine as they are, but they could have been more thought-provoking movies that stayed with me in a more profound way.  (Not that I could possible forget 10 Things.)

Movies like My Best Friend’s Wedding, The Holiday and Catch and Release easily could’ve been dramas if they had followed their natural bent, instead of wrenching back into the sappier side of life.  Again, they’re mostly okay as they are, but it’s almost a crime to think about what’s lurking in the shadows of these stories–the characters’ deeper issues about their families, their self-worth and secrets that friends and lovers keep from each other.

Then there are movies that could’ve been made even lighter and funnier, like John Tucker Must Die, The Proposal, Never Been Kissed, She’s the Man, and Notting Hill.  They might’ve become even sharper, better comedies if the aspect of physical comedy, for instance, had been more fully explored.  Or if the writers noticed that women dig humor too, not just longing looks and sexual tension that rarely actually becomes sex (except, weirdly, when the movie’s about divorcees).

Personally, I’d rather have the movies below be considered women’s films.  These movies are more for women than anything else, they have a good atmosphere and tone, the characters are multi-dimensional, there’s quality in the acting, and the story is more than afterthought to wrap around a dainty confection:

●     Enchanted April

●     Imagine Me & You

●     (500) Days of Summer

●     To Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything, Julie Newmar

●     Moonstruck

●     Laurel Canyon

●     Away We Go

●     Rachel Getting Married

●     Things We Lost in the Fire

I’m not saying, get rid of chick flicks.  Okay, some of them.  I’m just saying that if a bunch of raunchy guys can make a movie like Knocked Up, which is the ultimate romantic comedy in my opinion, for men and for women, then women like Nancy Meyers can quit wasting my time with It’s Complicated and offer movies about women that are as varied and amazing as women ourselves.

Or… women’s films that men can get tricked into seeing… chick flicks disguised as action movies…  hmm…

~Zoe